You don't have to be a billionaire, or a CEO, or an astronaut to hold people's attention — you can just be you.
It's a question of knowing how to highlight the traits that make you different from the person next to you.
Over on Quora, dozens of people have answered the question, "How do I become a more interesting person?" with insights based on their own experience. We sifted through their responses and pinpointed the most practical advice. Read on for ways to convince other people — and more importantly, yourself — that you're a fascinating human being.
Ensure that other people find you interesting by making yourself helpful in any situation. That's why Quora user Anthony N. Lee suggests learning as many useful skills as you can, from web design to sewing. That way, you'll always be the go-to person, whether a friend needs to create a website for her new business or a blanket for her baby niece.
One way to ensure that you're not interesting is by closing yourself off to differing opinions and viewpoints. Instead, you should actively seek out new ideas and experiences that will change the way you think and feel.
Sudhir Desai advocates being a "lifelong learner." He writes: "Keep an open mind, be curious. Allow for a complex world with multiple interpretations. Learn things to deepen and broaden your perspectives."
Look at something in front of you and ask yourself how does it work?
3. Learn how to tell a good story
Maybe you've amassed a ton of information and experiences — but if you can't communicate them to other people, you're sunk. That's whyMarcus Geduld says you should learn how to be a storyteller: "You don't just dump whatever is on your mind into the conversation; you purposefully shape it to make it interesting. … Start thinking of your life as a gift you can give to others. Wrap it in the finest paper you can find."
Geduld says that means you need to learn how to read your audience to see how long they'll be able to pay attention and tease your listeners with clues to the end of the story.
Interestingly, recent research found that men who can tell a good story are also seen as more attractive by women. The study authors say that's possibly because skilled storytellers may seem better positioned to influence others or gain authority.
4. Have three good stories ready to share
Knowing how to tell a story spontaneously is a handy skill — but if you're nervous about that, arm yourself with a few personal anecdotes you can use to liven up an otherwise dull interaction. Writes Devesh: "Comedians don't just talk about anything when they're onstage. They have their act rehearsed. You don't just trot into ajob interviewand say whatever's on your mind. Always have three good stories on hand that reliably entertain, inform, or engage."
A striking number of Quora users mentioned that one way to seem interestingis to be interested in others.
5. Listen and show compassion
This idea was popularized by Dale Carnegie in his 1936 bestseller "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Carnegie wrote: "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
Writes Quentin Hardy, a Googler and former editor for The New York Times: "Listen carefully to others, and try with some compassion to understand their motives and actions. Few of us are really good at this. Everyone becomes nearly infinite in their experience of life, if we listen to them with enough imagination. Working that out grows ourselves. Wondering if you're wrong helps, too."
At a party, you don't need to say much about yourself for people to believe you're interesting. Instead, engage them in deep conversation about their lifestyle.
"Ask thoughtful (not prying) questions, as needed, about them and their interests and priorities," says Stephanie Vardavas. "Really listen to the answers. Follow up with more thoughtful discussion and necessary questions (again, not prying). By the end of the evening they will remember you as one of the most interesting people they ever met."
Don't be embarrassed to ask seemingly simple questions, either. As Evan Ratliff, a journalist who's written for publications including The New Yorker, told Fast Company: "There's typically no point in pretending you know something when you don't. As a reporter the goal is to gather information, not to impress your subjects. You'd think it would be different in business, but it's not."
By asking those simple questions, you may end up impressing your new acquaintances, anyway.
Kat Li says people who don't opine on or disagree with anything can be boring.
"You feel like you can't really ever have a conversation with them," she writes. "You should try to say what you really think about some things, even if other people won't like it."
8. Follow your interests
Instead of learning about a ton of dull topics just for the sake of being knowledgeable, pursue areas that you actually find stimulating. That way, you'll sound animated and engaging when describing them to other people.
"I don't think it's as much a matter of trying to be interesting as much as it is naturally following what you enjoy, being an avid student and collector of information that interests and excites you," writes Renee Nay.
If you have the time and money to travel the world, great. But even if you don't, you can still learn about different cultures and historical periods by reading everything you can get your hands on.
Books, blogs, periodicals — expose yourself to as many new stories and ideas as possible.
Based on a review of the past decade of research on the psychological effects of reading fiction, Keith Oatley told The Washington Post: "People who read more fiction were better at empathy and understanding others."
Awdesh Singh suggests developing a sense of humor in your interactions with others. "Learn to see the lighter side of the life," he writes, "and develop a habit to be happy even in your failings."
Bonus if you're trying to impress a date: Research suggests men who are funny are perceived by women as more attractive, possibly because they seem more intelligent.
Singh adds that the company you keep influences your own personality. "If you are in the company of boring people, disgruntled people or serious people, you are likely to become like them very soon," he says. "The same is true when you have the company of interesting people."
Consider joining a Meetup or another group of people who are motivated to pursue their interests and passions.
You might be tempted to become a dabbler in many fields, developing a little bit of knowledge about everything. Instead, consider knowing a lot about one topic and flaunting your expertise in that area.
April Fonti says she finds people interesting when they "really pursue one thing with great intensity and depth over a long period of time. They could be very successful scientists or just quiet loners. It doesn't matter."
13. Take an improv class
Comedian Bill Connolly told Fast Company that practicing the art of improvisation can help improve your communication skills in daily life. One reason why is that it makes you a better listener, focusing on what the other person is saying instead of what you're going to say next.
"Even if you're shy and have no intention of ever performing publicly, comedy improv will loosen you up, help you 'think faster,' re-learn how to be playful (something most adults have lost), and make you feel more comfortable making a fool of yourself in front of other people (a life skill that comes in handy frequently). It can open you up and help you become more engaged when interacting with other people."
14. Be unconventional
Evan Asano says being interesting comes down to being in some way different from everyone else.
He writes: "A friend of mine after college did something no one's ever done before (at least known). He circumambulated Martha's Vineyard via its beach/shore. It only took a couple days and some camping gear. 20 years later he still tells the story."
Still, not everyone has the resources or the motivation to set off on a record-breaking camping trip right now. So think about the unusual experiences you've already had. Maybe you've lived in a foreign country; maybe you sell art projects as a side gig; maybe you grew up with 10 siblings. There's definitely something, so keep digging.
15. Embrace your weirdness
"We all have quirks," writes Del Singh. "It is part of our being. Interesting people unleash their inner weirdness."
Dressing, speaking, and acting like everyone else can be kind of boring — we're not in junior high school anymore. So let your freak flag fly, and do it with confidence.
"My husband has been described as boring. He's really a very fascinating man, with all his quirks and hobbies. The problem is he never shares with his coworkers or acquaintances.
"When asked 'How was your weekend?' his response is usually, 'Fine'. In fact he probably took part in a huge raid in his favorite MMO [massively multiplayer online game] before watching a new movie and finishing an interesting book. But he won't share that with just anyone.
"To be what people perceive as interesting you have to share. That also means you have to have things to share. It's a rare person who literally does absolutely nothing and has absolutely no opinion on any given topic. My advice is to open up."
Indeed, research suggests that people like each other better when they each share something personal, as opposed to when only one person does.
Perhaps the real reason you don't feel interesting is because you're spending time with people who don't appreciate you. In that case, you should find a different community who understands how much you have to offer.
Writes Travis Biziorek: "Challenge yourself to meet new people, hang out with a different crowd, and experience people with different outlooks and views on life. I promise you'll find people that interest you and those that find you fascinating."
Talk based on the book by Mel Helitzer with Mark Shatz
Humor has tremendous value. It's an art form. But
it's not a mystery—it has structure and formula.
You can learn this creative art for your own
personal enjoyment or for financial gain.
Admittedly, some widely known authors feel
that humor-writing skills (let alone the sense
of humor) are mystically inherited rather than
learned, and likely molded by such factors as
ethnic characteristics, early childhood maternal influence, and insecurity. But the truth is that anyone can learn to write humor. Although some
individuals are naturally funnier than others, just as some individuals
are more athletic or more musically gifted, humor writing can be
taught and humor-writing skills can be acquired. Humor is not a mystery, because (like stage magic) it is possible to demystify it.
BUT I AIN'T FUNNY
Let's use a simple humor exercise to illustrate that humor writing is
accessible to everyone. Consider the possible uses of two round bar stool
cushions. Other than stool cushions, what can they be? For five minutes,
use your imagination and plenty of exaggeration. Without being restrained
by practicality, scribble down as many possibilities as you can.
Your list of possible uses for two stool cushions might include
the following.
• elephant slippers
• oversized skullcaps
• eye patches for a giant
• hemorrhoid pads for a really large person
• Frisbees for the athletically challenged
Now take something around your room and try writting down as many things you can think of for what it might be!
This humor Rorschach test
illustrates the first step in humor conception—imagination. Creativity is the key to comedy's engine, which won't
turn over without unbridled imagination. Look at any other common
object—an ashtray, a beer bottle, furniture in a room, or parts of the
human body. Train your mind to constantly ask What if? and brainstorm
all the possibilities of what else these objects could be. Don't worry if
your ideas seem absurd. The exercise is to get your imagination in gear.
To write funny, you must first think funny.
"Imagination is intelligence having fun."—George Scialabba
What if? imagination allows you to realign diverse elements into new
and unexpected relationships that surprise the audience—and surprise
makes people laugh.
What if mother's milk was declared a health hazard? Where would
they put the warning label?
What if you actually saw McNuggets on a chicken?
What if alphabet soup consistently spelled out obscene words?
Humorists have one cardinal rule: Don't be inhibited.
Imagination drives comedy, and just about everyone has an imagination—
or no one would never get married. So just about everyone can learn the
fundamentals of humor. How well you learn them depends on how much
effort you're willing to expend.
THE BENEFITS OF HUMOR WRITING
The benefits of humor writing are the three Rs: respect, remembrance,
and rewards. The skillful use of humor can
• earn you respect
• cause your words to be remembered
• earn great financial and personal rewards
There are other ways that you can attract attention: You can achieve
something outstanding, criticize somebody, or be unconventional, for
instance. But you can increase the impact of these things with humor.
Humor is more than entertainment or joke telling—it's a powerful social
lubricant that eases and enriches communication, interpersonal relations, and education. Humor is a universal speech opener because it
immediately earns the speaker respectful attention. It's psychologically
impossible to hate someone with whom you've laughed.
Successful humor requires all three MAP elements.
1. Material. The material must be appropriate to the interests of the
audience, and it must relate well to the persona of the performer.
2. Audience. The audience must complement both the material and
the presentation style of the performer.
3. Performer. The performer must present the right material to the
right audience in the right way.
Unless you're prepared with material that obviously and vocally
works for a specific audience, you're facing impossible odds of success. There's a distinct audience for every specialized group.
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The following activities will help you develop your comedy-writing foundation through listening, observing, reading, and exploring. It's critical
that you complete these exercises now, because they will be used
throughout the next few chapters.
•List your ten favorite comedians and humorists, and use the Internet to
search for jokes or quotes by each of these individuals.
• After you amass twenty jokes, write each joke on an index card. On the
back of each card, identify the subject or target of the joke, and explain
why you think the joke is funny. This exercise will help you become
aware of the format of successful jokes and provide you with insight into
your own comedic preferences.
• Collect ten to fifteen cartoons or comic strips and tape each one on
a separate piece of paper. As you did with the jokes, identify the target
of the humor and describe why the cartoon is funny to you. You may
find it helpful to continue building a file of jokes and cartoons that
appeal to you.
• In addition to building a joke and cartoon file, you'll need to find new
material to use as the building blocks for your humor writing. Most professional humor writers begin each day by reading a newspaper, watching news on TV, and/or surfing the Internet for incidents and situations
that might provide joke material. As you read this book and complete the exercises at the end of each chapter, form a daily habit of recording the
odd news events that tickle your fancy.
• Everyday life is the main source for humor, so you need to keep some
type of personal humor journal. To facilitate psychoanalysis, Sigmund
Freud had patients complete a dream diary, and he encouraged them to
associate freely during therapy. To be a successful writer and tap into the
full potential of your comic persona, you should follow an analogous
approach. Record everyday events, ideas, or observations that you find
funny, and do your journaling without any form of censorship. The items
you list are intended not to be funny but to serve as starting points for
writing humor.
There are six essential ingredients in any recipe for humor. With few
exceptions, the absence of any one ingredient so disturbs the formula
that the humor might not just taste "off," but might deflate like a ruined
souffle. Whether the humor is a one-liner, a lengthy anecdote, or a three act theatrical piece, these six elements are required.
• Target
• Hostility
• Realism
• Exaggeration
• Emotion
• Surprise
Although the prescribed order may be challenged, in this configuration
the first letter of each element forms a memorable acronym: THREES.
The THREES formula focuses on the what and why of humor. The
what is the target, and the why is the hostility, realism, exaggeration,
emotion, and surprise contained in the humor.
Judge: The court awards your wife $200 a week for support.
POW Brainstorming Techniques
"Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so
they can have an excuse to drink alcohol."—Steve Martin
Like most creative people, humor writers spend a lot of time
looking for the right figure of speech. Occasionally, the
blank "I'm thinking" gaze progresses to the comatose state
known as writer's block. Unfortunately, humor writers can
not only suffer from writer's block, but also from humor
block: unavoidable moments when the comedic juices stop
flowing.
Even when a writer's imagination is going full steam, the rule of ten
in, nine out applies: For every ten jokes written, only one might be
acceptable. The high ratio of successful to unsuccessful jokes explains
why most late-night talk shows, such as The Tonight Show and Late
Night, employ teams of gag writers. A five-minute monologue may be
written by as many as six writers.
There are ways to jump-start the creative process. The most common
brainstorming methods are association and listing.
Our instinctive perception is that humor is fun. It isn't! Humor is criticism
cloaked as entertainment and directed at a specific target.
"If there's no corpse, there's usually no joke." —Mike Sankey
Celebrities: Humor Fodder and Mudder
"This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold
Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of
candy you can sound just like him."—Conan O'Brien
Places: Living in a Crass House
"I moved from New York City to Athens, Ohio. Talk about culture
shock. From the city that never sleeps to the city that never woke up." —Mel Helitzer
Products: Malice in Wonderland
"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when
you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their
necks, and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they
were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
I say to a gun owner who owns an AK-47, that if it takes a hundred
rounds to bring down a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport."
Ideas: Fools of the Game
Although feelings of superiority are essential to humor, you can nonetheless be funny by coming out for a topic or idea, rather than against it.
"Comedy was born of anarchism," said political humorist Mark Katz, "and
now it's moved into advocacy."
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on
Saturday night."—Woody Allen
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As you've just seen, the list of potential humor targets is nearly endless.
Take a moment and list seven to ten possible subjects, topics, or targets
of humor. That is, identify things that you want to make fun of.
As noted in the discussion of the MAP theory in the first chapter, the
humorist's material must fit the persona of the writer or performer. Each
humorist feels more comfortable attacking some targets over others.
Return to your list of potential humor targets and identify the three tar¬
gets that you would feel most comfortable making fun of.
HOSTILITY: RIDICRUEL
The second ingredient in the THREES recipe for humor is hostility. Humor
is a powerful antidote to many of the hostile feelings in our daily lives. All
of us have hostility toward some target. That is why, in humor, ridicule is
spelled ridicruel. Comedy is cruel. The words cruel and ridicule appear
together frequently—where there is one, there is also the other.
All of us have hostility toward some person, thing, or idea—unless we
are saints. Did you ever hear a joke about two perfect, happy people? But
when a beer-bellied, blue-collar worker walks in the front door and says
to his battle-ax of a wife, "Can you spare a few minutes? I need to be
taken down a peg"—now, that works as great humor.
Let's discuss some common sources of hostility (and therefore humor):
authority, sex, money, family, angst, technology, and group differences.
Authority: Sock It to Me
While hostility against authority is international, in America, it is a
national heritage. Since the Revolutionary days, we've enjoyed pricking
the bloated arrogance of authority and watching it bleed. Humor is a
great catharsis because it gives the public an opportunity to blow off
indignant steam at authority figures both major and minor.
"I looked up the word politics in the dictionary, and it's actually a
combination of two words: poli, which means "many," and tics,
which means "bloodsuckers."
—Jay Leno
One characteristic of this hostility is that invariably we ridicule upward,
attacking those we perceive to be superior (or in a superior position).
"The Senate decided they will be smoke-free. They ordained that
all public areas in the Senate are now smoke-free. However, the
senators themselves will still be allowed to blow smoke up each
other's ass."—Bill Maher
Hostile humor is usually directed upward. Freshmen ridicule upperclassmen but have little interest in writing humor about their younger
brothers or sisters. Faculty spend very little effort on humor directed at
students and much more on material satirizing the administration. In the
military echelons of command, noncoms gripe about junior commissioned officers, who ridicule the major support staff, who in turn snicker
about the general's idiosyncrasies, until—so the story goes—General
MacArthur's wife once asked him to convert to a religion in which he no
longer believed he was God.
"As they say around the [Texas] Legislature, if you can't drink their
whiskey, screw their women, take their money, and vote against 'em
anyway, you don't belong in office." —Molly Ivins
Money and Business: The Loot of All Evil
Men admit they think more about sex than about any other subject, but
studies throughout the years have indicated that women worry more
about finances than sex. There's little doubt, however, that money is a
constant source of irritation and hostility among both sexes.
"Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all
respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be."—Rita Rudner
"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the
people he gave it to."—Dorothy Parker
Perversely, financial worries only increase as you get wealthier: The
more money you have, the more problems.
Business practices are more frequently becoming targets of financial
hostility. But jokes about business practices actually direct hostility
against two subjects at the same time: economics and authority.
"The budget problems with Medicare and NASA could be solved if
the country began firing the elderly into space."—Al Franken
Financial humor targets are countless: Executive shenanigans, wages, taxes,
investments, gambling, lottery awards, and credit cards are just a few.
"My VISA card was stolen two months ago, but I don't want to
report it. The guy who took it is using it less than my wife." —Johnny Carson
Family Affairs:
Coming Home Soon
Hostility against family responsibilities, restrictions, and competing
interests needs little explanation as a target of humor. Family members
and household affairs like cleaning, paying bills, and cooking have all
become popular targets.
"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell,
catch on fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares.
Why should you?"—Erma Bombeck
"The day I get excited about cleaning my house is the day Sears
comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner."—Roseanne Barr
I left my wife because she divorced me. I'm not going to live with
somebody under those kinds of pressures. But I still love my ex-wife. I called her on the phone today. I said, "Hello, plaintiff..."—Skip Stephenson
"I wanted to be an actress. I said to my mother, "I want to cry real
tears. I want to show great emotion for someone I don't really care
for." She said, "Become a housewife." She always wanted me to be married all in white—and all virginal. But I don't think a woman
should be a virgin when she gets married. I think she should have
at least one other disappointing experience. One woman friend of
mine told me she hated her husband so much that when he died
she had him cremated, blended him with marijuana, and smoked
him. She said, "That's the best he's made me feel in years."
—Maureen Murphy
Children, especially teenagers and preteens, are common family targets.
Even toddlers are targets (they're not just cute but, according to Bill Cosby,
exhibit signs of brain damage). Parents are unburdening themselves wittily,
even if they can't do it in reality.
"Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your head."—Martin Mull
And children are reciprocating, which means let's give it to our saintly,
gray-haired mother and revered father!
Mother's Day card: Mom, you're the greatest. At least that's what
all the guys at the construction site say!
"Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble, as they are
both easy to beat and fun to cheat."—Fran Lebowitz
Angst: The Ecstasy and the Agony
Angst is the intellectual observation that fairy tales aren't true—that
there is an unhappy end to every happy beginning. Angst has pointed a
devil's finger at anxieties so personal that, in the past, we carefully avoid¬
ed discussing them even in private: A long list of such topics includes
fear of death; coping with deformity; deprivations; and neurotic symptoms such as paranoia, insecurity, narcissism, and kinky sexual urges.
"Have you ever dated somebody because you were too lazy to
commit suicide?"—Judy Tenuta
Woody Allen popularized angst. "I merchandise misery," he wrote.
"When I named my movie Love and Death, the commercial possibilities
were immediately apparent to me: sight gags and slapstick sequences
about despair and emptiness; dialogue jokes about anguish and dread;
finally, mortality, human suffering, anxiety. In short, the standard ploys
of the funnyman."
"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it
makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by a few days."—Garrison Keillor
Technology: Now Fear This
Charlie Chaplin exploited frustrations and fears about rapidly growing
automation to make people laugh. It's ironic that IBM once used his tramp
character as an implied advertising testimonial for computers, because
Chaplin's character didn't promote machines—he ridiculed them.
"Computers operate on simple principles that can easily be under¬
stood by anybody with some common sense, a little imagination,
and an IQ of 750." —Dave Barry
The sense of hopelessness that comes from our apparent inability to
control the environment is now a universal hostility. Industrial chemi¬
cals can lead to pollution, drugs can lead to suicide, and the advertising
drum beats for nonsensical fads. Humor may be our only rational way
of coping with the fear of terrorism, an invasion of spooks from outer
space, or the chemical mutation of our planet.
"They asked John Glenn what he thought about just before his
first capsule was shot into space, and he said: "I looked around
me and suddenly realized that everything had been built by the
lowest bidder."
Group Differences: Us vs. Them
Mocking the beliefs or characteristics of social groups is one of humor's
most controversial subjects because it caters to our most primitive instincts—prejudice and insecurity. We hope to maintain some sense of
superiority by ridiculing abnormal characteristics of others. We're
responding to a primitive form of group therapy.
"Sophisticated people have retirement plans. Rednecks, on the
other hand, play the lottery. That's our plan. And when we hit the
'pick six," we're going to add a room on to the trailer so we don't
have to sleep with Grandpa no more."—Jeff Foxworthy
We fear control and intimidation by people of different colors or religions;
and so, by derision, we attempt to stereotype their physical appearances,
ethnic mannerisms, colloquial speech—any unique characteristic we find
odd. We feel the same way about people with different social attitudes
about drugs, sex, education, professions—even music, literature, and
humor. As long as we're in the majority, humor can criticize.
"I had a cab driver in Paris. The man smelled like a guy eating
cheese while getting a permanent inside the septic tank of a
slaughterhouse."—Dennis Miller
"Do you know how the Amish hunt? They sneak up on a deer and
build a barn around it."—Tim Bedore
Humor is often sin without conscience. (A conscience doesn't prevent
sin; it only prevents us from enjoying it.) It used to be the blue-collar
whites that regurgitated the most hostile ethnic humor. Today, comedians of all backgrounds are sensing both an increasing freedom for public
humor and an increasing audience who'll pay to hear it.
"Mexicans don't go camping in the woods, especially during hunt¬
ing season. Some redneck would say to the judge, "Your Honor, I
saw brown skin and brown eyes. He had his hands up. I thought
they were antlers. I shot his ass."—Paul Rodriguez
"It's time that African-Americans and Korean-Americans put aside
their differences and focus on what's really important: hating
white people!" —Margaret Cho
This is how Cheech and Chong, whose financial successes outstripped
that of every other comedy team in film history, described their type
of humor:
Our jokes may be fifty years old, but our audience, the youth, ain't
seen shit. To them, it's brand new. If you're white, you can be afraid
of people of different color, religious fanatics, but if you're black or
brown, you're afraid of other things, like starvation and not having
a place to live. By incorporating the basic humor of drugs and
poverty into our appeal, it makes it universal—the underdogs
against the world. We know the humor of the rough and ready ...
we pander to the worst instincts in people—caricaturing swishy
gays, dumb blondes, illiterate Mexicans, greedy Jews. We're
shameless panderers.
Redd Foxx bragged about his material being "as outrageous as possible.
That's the humor I hear in the ghettos. We don't pull punches, and we
don't want to hear about Little Blue Boy and Cinderella—and if they
don't like my shit, they can fuck off!" The following story, which often
reappears as an urban legend, illustrates how ethnic humor can be
turned against the majority.
"Four doctors' wives from a small Midwestern city decided to brave
a weekend shopping trip in Manhattan. Their husbands were apprehensive about city crime. "If someone wants your pocketbook or
jewelry, don't put up a fight. Just do what they say. Promise?"
On their very first morning, as the four were descending in the
hotel elevator, a well-dressed black man got on leading a large
Doberman pinscher. He looked at the women for a moment, and
then commanded the dog, "Sit!" Immediately the four women sat
on the floor."
Each writer has his own definition of humor. Shakespeare said, "Brevity
is the soul of wit." Somerset Maugham wrote, "Impropriety is the soul of
wit." But the soul of wit may just be hostility. When we all think alike,
there will be a lot less humor.
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Sigmund Freud described depression as anger turned inward. Humor
might be viewed as anger turned into profit. Hostility underlies humor, so
tapping into your anger is an excellent tool for generating ideas for jokes
(and it's less expensive than therapy).
Make a list of people, things, and topics that you feel hostile about.
Freely associate, don't censure yourself, and write down why each target
is frustrating. Exaggerate your emotional state to the point of being PO'd
and fully vent your anger about the target. This exercise can narrow the
focus of each target to a specific premise that will be a springboard for
writing humor (not venting hot air!).
REALISM: RAISE YOUR SITES
The third component in the THREES formula for humor is realism. "Most
good jokes state a bitter truth," said scriptwriter Larry Gelbart. Without
some fundamental basis of truth, there's little with which the audience
can associate. But jokes also bend the truth, and the challenge is to learn
how to tell the truth (be realistic) while lying (exaggerating).
Since it appears that exaggeration is the logical antithesis of realism,
it may seem ludicrous to have both within the framework of one piece of
humor. But good humor is a paradox—the unexpected juxtaposition of
the reasonable next to the unreasonable—and that creates surprise.
Think of the combination of realism and exaggeration as an exercise in
lateral thinking, a technique commonly used by business gurus to solve problems and generate new ideas. It's defined as an interruption in the
habitual thought process, a leap sideways out of ingrained patterns.
Comedy has been doing this for thousands of years.
Supreme Court Justice Sandra O'Connor went with the other justices to a restaurant for lunch. The waiter asked for her order first.
"I'll have a steak sandwich and coffee."
"What about the vegetables?" asked the waiter. O'Connor said,
"Oh, they'll have the same."
"If you've never wanted to kill your mate, you've never been in
love. If you've never held a box of rat poison in your hand and
stared at it for a good long while, you've never been in love."—Chris Rock
Incongruous humor, as you may remember from chapter two, is based on
the premise of two or more realistic (but contrasting) circumstances united in one thought. Humorist Stephen Leacock wrote, "Humor results from
the contrast between a thing as it is and ought to be, and a thing smashed
out of shape, as it ought not to be."
"If the world is normal, then how come hot dogs come in packages
of ten and hot dog buns come in packages of eight?"—Robert Wohl
Dorothy Parker once wrote, "The difference between wit and wisecracking is that wit has truth to it, while wisecracking is simply calisthenics
with words." (So, realism fathers truisms, those witty bits of philosophy
based upon self-evident and generally accepted facts of life.)
"To entertain some people, all you have to do is listen. But there is
nothing quite so annoying as having someone go on talking when
you're interrupting."—Robert Orben
A grandmother was babysitting her four-year-old granddaughter.
They both had hazel eyes, so the grandmother proudly asked,
"Debbie, do you know where your eyes came from?" The child
thought for a moment and answered, "Yes, Grandma, they came
with my head."
To be most effective, the "facts" of humor should be logical—the rela¬
tionship between people should be clear and predictable, the time and
the locale of the story should be familiar, the hostility should be common to all the audience members and commensurate to the irritation.
Major deviations from reality don't prevent humor, but they may reduce
the payoff of uninhibited laughter. In essence, then, humor should be as
realistic as possible.
"A priest in New York City was arrested on gun possession. These
days, you better be happy that the bulge in his pocket is a .38."—David Letterman
EXAGGERATION: TALKING UP A STORM
We've already begun discussing exaggeration, the fourth element in the
THREES formula for humor. How does realism relate to exaggeration?
As we accept poetic license, let's accept a humor license that grants per¬
mission to expand on realistic themes with soaring imagination and
unabashed metaphors. Audiences rarely counter a joke that the performer has made personal with an admonition "You don't expect me to
believe that?"
Only for humor is the public willing to suspend disbelief and skepticism. We permit humorists to utilize hyperbole, blatant distortion, and
overstated figures that signal (since the absurd subject matter can't possibly be true): Hey, it's only a joke. Therefore, the audience laughs at exaggerated banana-peel acrobatics because the clown will certainly get
up. That's comedy! If he doesn't get up, that's tragedy!
An example of the likely next to the unlikely is the classic story about
the newspaper that ran two photos: one of a gray-haired matron who'd just
been elected president of the local Women's Republican Club and the
other of a gorilla who was a new addition to the local zoo—but the captions got switched. That's likely. The second stage of the humor comes
from the unlikely: The newspaper got sued for defamation—by the gorilla!
EMOTION: BURST THE BUBBLE
The fifth element in the THREES formula is emotion. Hostility, over- or
understated, is not enough. There must be a buildup of anticipation in
the audience. This is really nothing more than the writer's skill in using
emotion to produce tension and anxiety. It's a trick. Think of hostility as
an inflated balloon. When you create tension in your audience, you are
effectively adding more and more air to that balloon, building the audience's anticipation over when the balloon will burst. They can hardly
keep their eyes off the stunt. The writer's goal is to see that the balloon
bursts with laughter, not hot air.
Each performer has a stage personality, called a persona or shtick.
While others can steal material, they can't steal the nuances that make
one individual funny. (And an ineffective persona can make a performer unable to tell even a well-written joke). Humorist Larry Wilde
said, "There is a melody and cadence to all comedy that is as stringent
and disciplined as music."
A great comedic performer must be an actor with boundless energy.
The qualities that make a good comedian are over and above those that
make a good actor. Many comedians have become good actors in films
and sitcoms, but you rarely hear of a good actor becoming a great comedian. In the movie The Entertainer, Sir Laurence Olivier played the part
of a small-time comic. It was a brilliant, award-winning performance, and
when Olivier was asked how he managed to make the comic look so
inept, he replied, "I didn't try to do him badly. I played the role as well as
I could." Even the best actor may be a flop as a comedian.
The ability to generate emotion is the ability of the speaker to trans¬
late the writer's material into entertainment through voice, enthusiasm,
and action. The ability to create emotion is also experience: knowing
when to pause and for how long, creating a rhythm with inflection, and
sometimes nothing more grandiose than making a gesture—called a take,
because it takes the right gesture.
Woody Allen discovered that "stand-up is a funny man doing material,
not a man doing funny material. The personality, the character—not the
joke—is primary."
QUESTION & ANSWER
HOW DO YOU BUILD EMOTION?
1. The first and most common technique for building
emotion is also the simplest—pausing just before
the payoff word. This pause is called a pregnant
pause because it promises to deliver. Even in Henny
Youngman's classic, "Take my wife—please!" the slight
pause indicated by the dash is essential to the reading
of that line. (Try to read it any other way!) The pregnant pause creates tension, which is relieved by
the surprise ending.
"I know you want to hear the latest dope from Washington.
Well—here I am."—Senator Alan Simpson
Would you be so kind as to help a poor, unfortunate fellow out
of work, hungry, in fact someone who has nothing in this
world—except this gun!
2. The second technique for generating emotion is asking the audience
members a question, thereby encouraging them to become involved. This
was one of Johnny Carson's favorite devices.
Anybody see this commercial on TV last night? It claims you
can send a letter from anywhere in the country to New York for
seven dollars and fifty cents, and it promises next-day delivery.
The Post Office calls it Express Mail. I remember when it used
to be called the U.S. Mail.
Remember how hot it was yesterday? Well a dog was chasing
a cat, and they were both walking.
3. The third technique is called a build, which is a joke that leads to a joke
that leads to another joke. Ultimately, the jokes work together to prepare
the audience for one big blast.
4. The fourth way to build emotional tension is by working the
audience—a favorite device of today's stand-up comedians. The per¬
former walks out into the audience and throws questions at (what
appear to be) randomly selected members. Tension builds in each audience member not from amazement that the comic is able to come up
with toppers to every answer, but from the fear that he or she may be
the next victim of the performer's ridicule.
Every playwright builds emotion into a scene. A humor writer
does the same thing, but because you're working with much smaller
units—sometimes just a joke of a few words—you must be able to
accomplish more with less. Good humor writers are like professional
card cheats. They know how to palm the joker and insert it only when
it's needed. When their act is too evident to the audience, they fail—
and it ain't pretty.
SURPRISE: NOBODY KNOWS THE
STUMBLES I'VE SEEN
The final element in the THREES formula is surprise. In the previous
chapter, we discussed surprise as one of the primary reasons why people
laugh. It's no wonder then that it's also one of the primary building
blocks for a successful joke. Charlie Chaplin defined surprise in terms of
a film scene in which the villain is chasing the heroine down the street.
On the sidewalk is a banana peel. The camera cuts swiftly back and forth
from the banana peel to the approaching villain. At the last second, the
heavy sees the banana peel and jumps over it—and then falls into an
open manhole.
It's easy to tell if your surprise works, because a live audience's
instant laughter is the most honest of emotions. You can give a bad
speech, a poor theatrical or musical performance, and the audience will
still politely applaud. If you perform bad humor, you'll get nothing but icy
silence (just a preliminary to unsolicited post-show advice).
No matter how well written, jokes don't come off in performance if
the comedian telegraphs the surprise. Many performers tip off the audi¬
ence to the funny line with a lick of their lips or a gleam in their eyes.
They hold up their hands and stop the audience from laughing all out
("Hey, listen to this!"), and they prime the audience for a big topper. But
then there's no surprise, and no laughter. This can have a domino effect:
The performer loses confidence in the material, then starts to press, then
loses other laughs because the audience has a sixth sense about flop
sweat—when a performer is trying too hard.
"Comedy is mentally pulling the rug out from under each person in
your audience," wrote Gene Perret. "But first, you have to get them to
stand on it. You have to fool them, because if they see you preparing to
tug on the rug, they'll move."
"Two roads diverged in a wood and I took the road less traveled
by ... state troopers."
SHOWTIME
Let's see how the entire THREES formula (target, hostility, realism, exag¬
geration, emotion, and a surprise ending) works in a story. Identify which
parts of the story below correspond with each component of the THREES
formula. (At the end of the story, you can rate your answers).
An elderly truck driver was eating lunch at a roadside diner
when three shaggy young hoodlums, sporting black leather
jackets garishly decorated with swastikas, skulls, and crossbones, parked their motorcycles and came inside. They
spotted the truck driver and proceeded to taunt him, taking
his food away, pushing him off the seat, and insulting his
old age. He said nothing, but finally got up from the floor,
paid his bill, and walked out. One of the bikers, unhappy
that they hadn't provoked a fight, said to the waitress,
"Boy, he sure wasn't much of a man, was he?" "No," said
the waitress, looking out the window, "and he's not much
of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three
motorcycles!"
Did the THREES formula work for the above story? Yes, because the
humor contained each of the major components.
T = TARGET: The hoodlums, carefully described.
H = HOSTILITY: The story exploits public frustration at the escalation
of juvenile crime.
R = REALISM: There's little doubt that the aggressive actions of the
bikers could happen.
E = EXAGGERATION: One motorcyclist would have worked, but an ele¬
ment of exaggeration is achieved by including three. Their crude
behavior is exemplified not just once, but with three incidents of
hostile action. Exaggeration is also present in the truck driver's
final action—not a simple thing to do quickly.
E = EMOTION: The joke is carefully written to squeeze out every drop
of audience hostility: the stereotypical fascist appearance of the
bikers, their childish aggression meant just to provoke a fight with
an outnumbered, aged opponent. We even feel disappointment
when the truck driver appears—for a moment—to be a coward.
S = SURPRISE: The climax of the story is withheld until the last
two words.
A summary of the book by Mel Helitzer and Mark Shatz
Basic joke structure has two parts: the setup sets the stage; the punch line provides an unexpected ending.
Why we laugh. We laugh out of surprise: a joke is a story and a surprise ending is its finale. We laugh when we feel superior: when we poke fun of others.
Six ingredients in any recipe for humor. The THREES of comedy: (1) Target: humor is an attack, a criticism, (2) Hostility: comedy is cruel, (3) Realism: the joke must be based on truth, (4) Exaggeration, (5) Emotion: you must build up the anticipation of your audience, (6) Surprise.
* * * * *
Play on Words (POWs): a twist on a word or expression.
I’ve heard that dogs are man’s best friend. That explains where men are getting their hygiene tips.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Dad always said that laughter is the best medicine, which is why several of us died from tuberculosis.
If a kids asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is “Probably because of something you did.”
Comedy is in my blood. Frank, I wish it were in my act!
Malaprop. An unintentional misstatement or misuse of a word or phrase, or an accidental substitution of an incorrect word for a similar correct one. “A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on.”
Pun. The intentional confusion of similar-sounding words or phrases:
What’s ICBM? Eskimo doo-doo.
What’s infantry? A very young sapling.
I’m not as concerned with euthanasia as I am with kids in this country.
Reforming. Altering a word, expression, or phrase to arrive at a twist that cleverly changes the point of view: (a) Transpose Words: “Who am I to stone the first cast?” (b) Replace a few letters in a key word: “I will not cut off my nose to spite my race.” (c) Homonym: use a homonym, a similar-sounding word with a second possible interpretation: “The things my wife buys at antique auctions are keeping me baroque.”
* * * * *
The Reversal. You mislead the audience, think you're headed one direction, and then surprise them. You allow them to go off on a predictable train of thought.
I sold my house last week. Got a good price for it. But it made my landlord made as hell.
When I was young, I thought that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I’m old--I know it is.
I made a killing in the stock market. My broker lost all my money, so I killed him.
* * * * *
Triples 1. The series of three creates anticipation. SAP. Setup (preparation), Anticipation (triple), Punchline (story payoff).
A woman recently had a baby from an embryo that had been frozen for seven years. She said, “I had no idea it I was having a little boy, a little girl, or fish sticks.”
My wife and I don’t get along (setup). I take my meals separately, I take a separate vacation, and I sleep in a separate bedroom (triple). I’m doing everything I can do to keep this marriage together (payoff).
You can include the punch line in the third part of the triple. When you die there's a light at the end of the tunnel. When my father dies, he'll see the light, make his way toward it, and then flip it off to save electricity.
Triples 2. Reverse construction: include the triple in the preparation, not anticipation.
Waitress in a hoarse voice: For dessert we got ice cream -- vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. Customer: You got laryngitis? Waitress: No, just vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.
* * * * *
Realism and Exaggeration. You start with a realistic observation or scenario and then twist and distort it for comedic effect.
My dad's pants kept creeping up on him. By sixty-five he was just a pair of pants and a head.
There is a secret language of leadership that we used to all be taught at school. One could get an education in Ancient Rhetoric was practiced all the way until the 19th Century. It was possible to get a free education in Rhetoric but not necessarily in something like mathematics.
Here Are 6 Things to Sound Like a Leader:
Okay, look left, look right, look up, look down. How are you feeling? Distressed? Anxious? A little edgy? I am mimicking hyperventilation. This is the authentic sound of fear. That fear is then translated to you the listener. This is an ancient Roman Rhetorical device. They used to call it asyndeton and it is still used today.
David Cameron uses it:
"Broken homes, failing schools, sink estates."
Tony Blair as well:
"Education, education, education."
And Barack Obama:
"A world at war, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a generation."
Why say everything 3 times? Because 3 is the magic number, i.e. "Government of the people, by the people and for the people."
These people are speaking in three breathless sentence. And it works in any language. Hitler, "Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer." Or the Italian expression, "Eat well, laugh often, love much."
If you put your argument in 3's it makes it sound more compelling, more convincing, and more credible. So we find it here, there and everywhere. It's why Caesar said, "Vini, Vidi, Vici." Or Shakespeare wrote, "Romeo, Romeo, where art thou Romeo?"
Now there are also sentences where the opening clause is repeated 3 times...
This is another Rhetorical device.
When we are emotional about things our perspective changes and this manifests in our speech. So this is the authentic sound of passion...
I love this place. I love being here. Etc. People get swept away by this kind of speech.
When people empathize with the speaker it creates a feedback loop:
Another Technique used by slick sales and market traders is balancing.
I'm not asking $100, I'm not asking $50, I'm only asking $29.99!
We can find balancing in many places.
If the sentence sounds balanced we imagine the underlying thing is balanced.
Our minds are tuned to liking things that are balanced. I.e. balanced diets, balanced work life, etc.
We are attracted to these types of sentences even if they are an illusion.
Like, "we're looking to the future, not the past." "We are working together, not against each other." "We need to think of what we can do, not what we can't."
Metaphor is like a big elephant in the room.
Studies have said we use metaphor once every 16 words on average.
Politically they are used to lead people towards things or make them recoil.
Sometimes they use beautiful images; love family, sunshine.
Or scary imagery can be used; vermin, monsters, disease, sickness.
Metaphors have a major impact on people.
There is research showing changing nothing but the metaphor in text can create fundamentally different reactions in people. They help people to decide rather to invest in a company, back particular crime policies, or whether or not they'll support a foreign war.
During wartime it is common for metaphors to convince people that the enemy is subhuman.
During an economic recession it is common to refer to the event as a financial storm. Why would they do this? Does it have anything to do with greedy bankers, timid politicians, or ineffective regulators, or is it a natural occurrence that will sweep out as quickly as it's swept in?
Ronald Reagan used to talk about government being a baby that had a big appetite and no responsibility. Is this as effective without the metaphor?
Jokes work as metaphors as well.
Exaggeration - I've been waiting to give this talk my entire life...
Exaggeration in speeches replicates normal daily conversation.
"I have a million things to do today."
Rhymes - studies have shown that people are more likely to believe something if it rhymes than if it doesn't. Linguists call this processing the fluency of language. We learn things through rhymes from childhood so they are signifiers of truth.
These steps can be used to make absurd arguments sound plausible. They speak to the instinctual, logical, and emotional parts of our brain.
Rework your first writing to include these steps and let's see if it's more persuasive :)
